Today

Today is a bad day. Izzy is great... She's off with Aunt DJ and Xan on a field trip for home schooling, I guess. It's a bad day for me.

Nothing different has or will happen today. We got up, fed Izzy, got dressed. DJ got Izzy and I got dressed and am on the way to work. I'll walk in, smile, help moms-to-be find outfits that fit and look cute and go home. I'll feed Izzy, do the dishes start laundry and make dinner. It's a normal day. I'll do her breathing treatment, bedtime bottle, bath and put her to bed. But today is a bad day.

Last night I found a kid's blog that is 6 years younger than me and has CF. His lung function is only 20% and he's been turned down for a transplant. He's 19 and essentially he's dying trapped in his own young body unable to breathe. I know he is not my 6 month old daughter. I know right now she's fine. But I also know his present could be her future.

Her doctors and social workers and nurses and everyone tell me I'm very well adjusted and strong. They don't see the put together mommy cry all the way to work or break down from stress and fear of what the future hold for her darling daughter.

Yup, today is a bad day. But like every other day, the sun will rise, the sun will set.

I'll put on a brave face and smile and cross my fingers that tomorrow will be better, brighter and a cure or more promising therapy will be found and pray tomorrow will be a good day.